


Being Human

by woctab



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Hurt Stiles, I just want to cry, M/M, Werewolf Stiles Stilinski, Why Did I Write This?, not a happy fic, not so blatant thoughts of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-08
Updated: 2013-04-08
Packaged: 2017-12-07 22:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/753844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woctab/pseuds/woctab
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before Derek, he was human. He needed to remember he had worth.</p><p>- Sequel to "The Thin Wall" by Tassos</p>
            </blockquote>





	Being Human

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Thin Wall](https://archiveofourown.org/works/663513) by [Tassos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tassos/pseuds/Tassos). 



> I just wanted to write a sequel to "The Thin Wall" by Tassos because it broke my heart. I'm not quite sure I did the piece any justice. I love Sterek, but Stiles is my favorite character and I just.... I can't explain myself. I don't think I hit the A/B/O dynamics on the head either. So please forgive me if this isn't the best. I have never written something like this. This isn't my cup of tea. All I want to do is cry because I feel for Stiles.

Stiles had believed that he was strong enough, but he wasn’t. It didn’t take long for the noises to engulf his consciousness. First it had started when he closed his eyes, he heard everything. It replayed in his mind like a broken record. Soon those noises were accompanied by vivid images. He didn’t quite understand how it was possible when he hadn’t seen anything. The memories weren’t real and yet it tore him apart.

With each day that passed, it got worse. How was he going to live like this? It wasn’t too long ago that he was able hide from the false memories by remaining awake. Now, there was no such mercy. It didn’t matter if he was awake or asleep, all he heard and saw was them. How much more could he take before he was pushed off the edge? Stiles had believed that his love for Derek would be enough, but it wasn’t. Maybe, he didn’t love Derek as much as he thought he did.

Seeing their happy faces was slowly eating away at him. It wasn’t their fault that they were controlled by instinct during heat. Yet, he could feel the hate bubbling, growing within him every time he saw a smile. Would he be content feeling like this for the rest of his life?

What would have happened if he had walked away? Stiles wondered what his state of mind would be like if he had left. Would he have been able to hold on just a little bit longer? He didn’t have to be there and yet he stayed. The fact that his mind was being swallowed by depression was partially his fault. No one had forced him to stay during the heat cycles.

His mind had become a dangerous place. The anger, resentment, and so many other disgusting emotions were growing, slowly consuming him. His mind kept whispering hateful thoughts. This wasn’t him and he couldn’t become this kind of person. How could he let his life be destroyed in the name of love?

Stiles wanted to blame Derek, but he couldn’t. His pack had become his family and he wasn’t selfish enough to destroy it. They had been there for him before he had become somewhat important in his life. But, he wasn’t selfless enough to be content with the situation. There were limited options available and he needed to decide before it was too late.

Before Derek, he was human. He needed to remember he had worth. It wasn’t easy to succumb to the nature of a werewolf. Every time he used that excuse, his mind would whisper, “ _So why have they?_ ” It just made his hate for them grow. Stiles tired telling himself that it was nothing more than sex. Derek loved him. It was never enough, his mind and heart were never convinced.

Stiles wasn’t sure who he hated more, himself or them. He hated himself for wanting to love Derek despite his need to put his pack before him. And he hated that he had allowed himself to fall in love so easily. But, his hate for them was equally as strong. Hate accompanied by jealously was a deadly combination.

All the while, his father had noticed his change in behavior. The look of concern only further pushed him to make a decision. He couldn’t remain like this, rooted in an all consuming mixture of loathing and pain.

Too many questions bombard his mind making it deteriorate faster than he had expected. One question was unbearable and the loudest of all. Why couldn’t he say no? It pained him that Derek wouldn’t say no even though he claimed to love him. At times he would accept the fact that as their Alpha he wanted the best for his pack even if he had to sleep with them and hurt Stiles in the process. Stiles knew that he wasn’t skilled at hiding his emotions and Derek could see how it affected him. In his mind it spoke for itself, their love would never be enough.

It didn’t take him too long to accept that love did not conquer all. His father’s secret drinking and worry also aided in his decision. There was a love that he could always depend on and he wasn’t willing to hurt the person that loved him more than anyone else.

Stiles could just imagine what his father thought when he looked at him. Was he going to lose his son like he lost his wife? He would not allow his father to drink himself to death. It pained him to have to walk away from the life he had loved, but he couldn’t stay.

Before Derek, he was human. He had to remember he had worth. There was no reason he had to succumb to the werewolf way of life. In truth, he doubted that he would ever truly accept what it meant to be a werewolf. This fact helped him accept that Derek’s excuses, the love that he claimed he felt would never be enough for him. He would never be able to accept their relationship as it was.

It was a sunny and frighteningly beautiful day when he left Beacon Hills. A note was pinned to the refrigerator explaining everything to his father. He vowed to return when he had overcome what threatened his life.

He wasn’t sure if he should be ashamed. Leaving his home was like running away, but staying would be sentencing himself to death. Not so much psychically, but mentally. It pained him to leave his father, but he was sure that in time he would understand. After all he knew that he wanted him to be happy.

Stiles Stilinksi deserved to be happy and he would learn to do so without Derek Hale.

Stiles hadn’t loved Derek as much as he thought and if he told himself that enough, he’d start to believe it.

**Author's Note:**

> [My tumblr](http://woctab.tumblr.com/)


End file.
